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ISU RESEARCHERS DISCOVER NEW ELEMENT
AMES, IA--The heaviest element known to science
was recently discovered by
materials researchers at IPRT/ISU. The new
element, tentatively named
Administratium, has no protons or electrons,
and thus has an atomic weight
of 0. However, it does have one neuron, 125
assistant neutrons, 75 vice
neutrons, and 111 assistant vice neutrons.
This gives it an atomic mass of
312. These 312 particles are held together
in a nucleus by a force that
involves the continuous exchange of particles
called morons.
Since it has no electrons, Administratium is
totally inert. However, it can
be detected chemically, since it impedes every
reaction it comes into
contact with. According to its discovers,
a tiny amount of Administratium
caused on reaction to take over four days
to complete; the normal reaction
time is less than one second.
Administratium has a normal half life of approximately
three years, at
which time it does not actually decay, but
instead undergoes a
reorganization in which neutrons, vice neutrons,
and assistant vice
neutrons exchange places. Studies have shown
that the atomic mass usually
increases after each reorganization.
Research at other laboratories indicates that
Administratium occurs
naturally in the atmosphere. It tends to concentrate
at certain points,
such as governmental agencies, large corporations,
and universities. It is
always found in the newest, best appointed
and best maintained buildings.
Scientists point out that Administratium is
known to be toxic at any level
of concentration and can easily destroy any
productive reactions where it
is allowed to accumulate. Attempts are being
made to determine how
Administratium can be controlled to prevent
irreversible damage, but
results to date are not promising.