Support Cannibalism-EAT ME!
God is my copilot, but the Devil is my bombardier.
I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit.
I wasn't born a bitch. Men like you made me this way.
Keep honking while I reload.
Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either!
Who were the beta testers for Preparations A through G?
Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
5 days a week my body is a temple. The other two, it's an
amusement park.
EARTH FIRST! We'll
strip-mine the other planets later.
Your child may be an honor student but you're still an idiot.
If you drink, don't park. Accidents cause people.
If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.
Save the whales! Trade them for valuable prizes.
Whitewater is over when the First Lady sings.
Jack Kevorkian for White House physician.
Just say no! To sex with pro-lifers.
My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her. . .or something like that.
Sure you can trust the government! Just ask an Indian!
Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive.
If we are what we eat; I'm cheap, fast, and easy.
Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!
Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.
WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
I got a gun for my wife....Best trade I ever made.
So you're a feminist...Isn't
that cute.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
I need someone really bad...Are you really bad?
Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
All men are idiots....I married their king.
The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.
IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
Out of my mind...Back in five minutes.
Keep honking...I'm
reloading.
Prevent inbreeding...Ban country music.
As long as their are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
WARNING: The driver only carries $20.00 in Ammunition.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather...Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
Montana: At least the cows are sane.
God must love stupid people...He made SO many
I said "no" to drugs, but they didn't listen.
Your kid may be an honor student, but YOU'RE still an idiot.
When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS
Smile, it's the second
best thing you can do with your lips.
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
Where there's a will...I want to be on it.
It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
WARNING: Dates on the calendar are closer than they appear.
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
Don't drink and drive...You might hit a bump and spill your drink.
ELVIS IS DEAD...And I don't feel so good myself.
We are born naked, wet, and hungry...Then things get worse.
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working on subatomic particles.
3 kinds of people, Those who count, and those who can't.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Always remember you're unique...Just like everyone else.
Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
- A
bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.
WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
I got a gun for my wife....Best trade I ever made.
So you're a feminist...Isn't that cute.
I need someone really bad...Are you really bad?
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
All men are idiots....I married their king.
The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.
HELP WANTED...TELEPATHY: You know where to apply.
IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
Out of my mind...Back in five minutes.
Keep honking...I'm reloading.
Prevent inbreeding...Ban country music.
As long as their are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
Hang up and drive.
WARNING: The driver only carries $20.00 in Ammunition.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather...Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
Montana: At least the cows are sane.
God must love stupid people...He made SO many
I said "no" to drugs, but they didn't listen.
Your kid may be an honor student, but YOU'RE still an idiot.
When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.
Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
Where there's a will...I want to be on it.
It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
WARNING: Dates on the calendar are closer than they appear.
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
Don't drink and drive...You might hit a bump and spill your drink.
ELVIS IS DEAD...And I don't feel so good myself.
We are born naked, wet, and hungry...Then things get worse.
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working on subatomic particles.
3 kinds of people, Those who count, and those who can't.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Be nice to your kids...They will pick out your nursing home.
Always remember you're unique...Just like everyone else.
Talk about full circle!
More jokes?